be unconsciousness, and .... Suddenly! ... I am aware that there is still something, dipping my attention on the identity, assuming to be, assuming relief or assuming or taking fear pain, as if they were mine. Appeared as the operating mind generates a bulk continuum, a continuity of being someone who can tell a story itself. And this is the story of my experience with anesthesia.
A week before the doctor told me it was necessary to make a operation, which comply with and which I gave. Eventually, with a relatively good mood, I was taken in a wheelchair, with a fixed needle in the forearm, to the operating room. The inevitable ... and then ask me to sit on the couch I sleep on the couch (and see those typical three bright lights on top), which extends an arm to one side on a tablet, and I tie ... extending the other to the other side, and tie ... and some funny past nurse tells me this is so you can not run away. Oops! Delivered, as if they were going to crucify me. I remained only a moment to remember for a purpose that I did 10 years ago another surgery, a kind of experiment realization that at that time I could not complete. And the purpose was: to note the event in which the ordinary consciousness disappears due to anesthesia, and the moment he reappears. With this in mind, the mind was gone ... all gone ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... but not all, and that I knew later.
I am no expert in anesthesia or anything, but it is clear that inhibits the nervous system, bringing the operation of the memory and conscious association with the actions and reactions of the body are disconnected. The body was then (according to the story) at the mercy of violence, which occurred as surgery, which could not defend himself. How is that there is intelligence that keeps the events in succession of causes and effects through memory, is something I can not explain, but it is clear that the body, far beyond whether or not a personal will or ego that seeks to protect, defends himself. It's like the body is not just a set of genetic memory. Why do I say this?
The body reacted with a scrapie inevitable, intense, instantly appeared to me the consciousness of awakening in the recovery room. In other words, the mind appeared saying: here I am, this is my body, this is my situation, and then the reactions occur. The lifeless body was first due to disconnection of the nervous system with the will, but then will resurgent peering eyes of the body, an inevitable psychological reaction, knowing you have had a violence that it would never have accepted Passivity-being in a situation of control of data memory, it happens in the form of tremors and spasms. So the body reacted when will be be re-associated with it. While simmering desire a helping hand to pose in my skin, the skin of the body that I identified in this mundane waking dream, with an affection that reaffirmed: all is well.
From the quiet and silent, but not deaf, I could see still witnessing this threshold reborn individual memory, the beingness, disappeared a dream that was blue, undefined, do not know if placid , but certainly harmless, that I escaped, I could not collect images, figures, something moving ... this faded to give way now to the sights, sounds and a freezing cold ice room where fuzzy some people, two or three nurses moved pending my return. Pain, blurred vision, sound, tremors, spasms, horror, the transition from immobility to ripper voluntary movement. So took over the mind of this body starting a new story. This threshold still where continuity emerges, I reset a sequence knowing that my attention had been somewhere that I must leave to return to another site to be located now. Moving from dream to dream. Parallel planes of existence such as overlapping dreams of the individual effect is unable to participate simultaneously. But at least it was a gift to the memory ... now the mirror my mind was able to verify the absence of absence.
This experience inevitable in full conscious attention, may sound strange or heavy to be told, but it was the experiment that had been pending for ten years ... to observe how the unconscious reliable facts simply does not exist through a careful investigation of the process of anesthesia. It was shocking to verify that the anesthesia does not produce unconsciousness, and this makes sense to the understanding and previous certainty that I had assumed in my memory data that consciousness does not belong to the body. Consciousness is always here I am, truly oblivious to what is present and contains, and the mind, that work is appropriate for continuity, memory and identity, which makes you say: I am this, this body.
Thus begins a new year, new dream .... Indeed new, always new. Because nothing is, ever. Nothing happens that can be called real. All born and died before my eternity conscious. And this was only experience is now a butterfly without wings, pierced with the pin of memory: an experience. But as the wise: nothing is no longer, and reality of what I am witnessing is pure unclaimed without form or location, beyond time, in the eternity of a present active in silent peace.
Something I would say to all surgeons and directors of hospitals and outpatient clinics where surgical operations are carried out under general anesthesia: Provide a volunteer or volunteer only with soft hands and warm voice welcomes this new born into the world to be present in the body. A caress and a host sentence, gentle pressure on the arm and feel the company can be weight-saving means to recover a body, no doubt concerned and in pain. You who are investigating the pain therapies, add this little detail. Because once the self is shown to exist in this tumultuous world, the miracle is love, and something we see as endless reflections, many things apparent in the mirror of consciousness. It is love that saves.
Maria Luisa
10/01/2011
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